I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize