There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize