Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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