Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
