I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
