watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize