I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
