I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
