The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
