I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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