we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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