We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
