i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
