My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
