Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize