i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
