put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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