I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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