My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize