I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
