insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
