just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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