Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize