Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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