yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize