Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Randomize
