don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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