Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
My dick has a subreddit
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
