You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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