So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
