What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
