I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize