My sheets look like a crime scene.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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