thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Floor bacon is actually really good
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
