He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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