dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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