I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
