I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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