nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
