Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
