another moral hangover. fuck.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
