I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
