Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
