Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
