Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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