you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
