My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize