when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
