Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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