you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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