i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
