Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
