I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
