I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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