I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
