that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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