Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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