at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize