Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
