Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
