she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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