Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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