I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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