piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
