You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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