like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
