I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
