you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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