just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
