i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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