due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
