Me. At least after what I've been through.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I could have mohawked her pubes.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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