...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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