I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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