News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
