Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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