I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
