There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
