You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I think people are normalizing furries
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
