I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize