I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
The air taste purple.
Randomize