Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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