My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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