My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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