Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Less talking, more tequila
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
