You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
