she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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