My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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