Is it normal to miss your booty call?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
