Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
