How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
