I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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