I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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