haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
