if you like me you must not know who I am
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize