theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
