Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
