Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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