chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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