wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
