My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Randomize
