No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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