Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
