apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize