Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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