Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There's always time for handjobs
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
