He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
