Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
