UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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