I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
