Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
