Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize