my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize