I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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