I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
