Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize